Adventures in Motherhood

Me, rambling about motherhood and my ridiculous life…

Fast lane… August 24, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ohdeerestme @ 2:03 am

I enjoy having issues with things. I am sure everyone does….. I am happy swim in my issues. I like to get right in there and rant away. If it doesn’t make sense, fine!! Just don’t interrupt.
And rambling…. I like that too…

It feels like the pace of life has picked up. Not just my life, what with having a son and all, but life in general. And not just mine, everyones…
(I am currently watching the movie Speed, and they are getting ready to jump the bus… )
I don’t know if this is as a result of getting older…. I remember when I was a child, a birthday took a lifetime to arrive, and I would carefully measure my age in terms of how close I was to my next one. I remember solemnly anouncing that I was 4 and a quarter.
(They totally jumped the bus and it was awesome!!)
Now my birthday just flashes by, and this year it was the hugest non-event ever. I hardly noticed to be honest.
But really what I mean is the speed at which everything is happening. As in driving.
And people’s total impatience at everything that even hints at ‘slow’…

In Florida no-one even stops at a stop sign anymore. They just roll on through…. and I don’t mean slowly inch forward and kind of make it look like they are stopping. I mean, people corner like they are on rails. There is no attempt to even make it look like stopping. Some people even speed up as they approach stop signs.

(Isn’t it funny that I am talking about speed and I am watching Speed at the same time?? )
It seems like even the act of stopping is deemed too much of a hassle.
(Keanus is currently clinging to the underside of the bus with a screwdriver)
When did this happen?? This utter lack of patience?
In Florida, people actually use the merge lane to pass slower cars. And use exit ramps as a means to bypass them as well. It makes it tricky to navigate the roadways these days as you never know what the car in front of you is going to do. Speed up? Stop abruptly? Use hazard lights to park on a crosswalk? Who knows… its a mystery…
(Keanu’s range as an actor is……..umm…narrow… how can love and anger be the same?)

However, one should be careful as to how one reacts to all of this bad driving. My husband was careful to warn me never to flip off the car next to me as you never knew if they had a gun on the passenger seat or not. I get random road-rage, which has increased incident-wise since I moved South.
Once, someones poor parking lot manouvering skills led me to making a face at them. I then parked my car, went shopping and returned to find a note on my windshield that simply said “You are a moron.” Nice.
(Who thinks Keanu’s acting skills have improved since this movie? Ah……no…..)

Anyways, it just seems like everyone is so impatient. No-one wants to wait for anything. The faster the better. Instant gratification. Do it. Now. Do it! Now!!
Now!
Everyone wants life streamlined and easy. And the worst example of this is those darn birthcontrol ads. Why have your period 12 times a year, when you could have it 4??
Seriously, then why even have it at all? I guess if we have pills to create erections and drugs to increase fertility, then why not pills to decrease menstruation? And of course, laser treatments to permanently remove body hair.
(Wow, I am lucky tonight…. Speed is followed by Speed 2!!! Sweet!)
Everytime I think of laser hair removal, I think of a contest a local radio station had where the listeners could vote on what shape one of the female radio hosts had her pubic hair lasered into.
Seriously, who wants to be 80 and have their pubes in the shape of a dollar sign! Or a heart?

I am too tired tonight to be any more coherent than I am now… hopefully you get my gist though…
(man, I almost spelled ‘gist’ with a ‘j’………. jist…. looks a bit rude)
Speed=not soo good
Taking time to enjoy life=good

My bed+Dr Who Season 1 dvd= Heaven

Night!

 

News August 20, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ohdeerestme @ 6:30 pm

I am waiting for inspiration to strike…

I have yet to decide what exactly this blog is going to be about. So I am waiting…
Sometimes its hard to decide what to ramble on about on a given day….

Clearly today I am, once again, going to ramble on about nothing….

Off the top of my head, one thing that I find constantly annoying about the United States is the overtly dramatic news programs. This is a topic I love to complain about. I use it as one of my prime examples on how the US of A and Canada are different.
24 hour news programing. Is this something thats really necessary? Really?
(I am watching the worst eighties movie right now….its called “Slamdance”)
Mostly it seems as if most of this 24 hour programing is filled with increasingly detailed weather reports, updated every 10 minutes. Lord help us if there is any extreme weather, because then you just get 24 hour weather reporting. Like now! Tropical Storm Fay is currently hovering around Florida, and every news station has reporters spread out over the state, reporting every 10 minutes on whats happening.
(What on earth is he doing with that egg yolk??)
And the news casters at the news station discuss, to the death, every detail of the weather. Its boring….. boring!! And it goes on all day. Once in a while, actual news is on. You know, current topics, stuff on the upcoming election. Actual news. But mostly its weather. Oh, and traffic reports.
(How does one tease ones hair that high??)
So its mostly weather, traffic, little actual news and tons of drama and scare tactics thrown in for good measure. Lots of tag lines like “Crazed sex maniac loose in your neighbourhood?? Find out tonight at 11”, “Meth lab discovered in local home. Find out where, tonight at 10”. And perhaps you wait, as you really want to know if that meth lab was in your neighbourhood. And the 10 o’clock news comes on, and at 10:59 pm, they say something like “Details are sketchy…blah blah…” and you never find out even a general location.
(Does that woman have a beard?? Is it even a woman? Are they seriously chasing that car on a Vespa? What is wrong with this movie!)
The news is far to dramatic for me. Drama which I find annoying. And violent too. Violence that I find unnecessary. Violence that I do not think needs to be shown during the ‘noon hour’.
(Tighty whitey briefs and a trucker hat with reindeer antlers? For a sex scene?)
About sex offender busts, murders, kidnappings, rapes etc. Pretty much every violent thing you can think of. I honestly do not remember any news like this back in Canada. I mean, I am sure there are things like that happening in Canada, but maybe not as much Or if as much, then they aren’t getting around-the-clock-lead-story coverage on every major network.
(Members Only jackets are sweet!)
Even CNN, while a better news source, still falls instantly short in my eyes everytime it reports on things like the birth of Brangelina’s latest batch of kids, or who Jessica Simpson is dating now…. also not news. Well, its news of sorts, but not news that needs to be on CNN! Thats what celebrity gossip blogs are for!!
(Scruffy unshaven faces, mullets and gold hoop earrings are an irresistable combination)
In general, the States isn’t a bad place to live, but I really can do without that kind of drama……

 

Control August 16, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ohdeerestme @ 8:32 pm

I like plans.
I like making plans.
I like planning how the day will progress.
Often these plans will be thought out days in advance, planned down to the last teeny tiny detail.

I remember my mum telling me a few years ago about what I would often say as we sat down to a dinner that I particularly liked…. “You know, this is yummy, but you know what would be good for tomorrow night’s dinner…”. That was when I was about 6 or 7, and its only gotten worse since then.
Not only do I like making plans, but I also like to “be prepared”. As in be prepared for anything that might maybe could possibly happen at any given moment. What if something happens and if you had just brought that extra something, all catastrophes could have been averted? I know that if I don’t bring lip gloss with me, my lips will become drier then they have ever become in my whole life, dry like the Sahara and I will likely be somewhere where lip gloss is not availible for purchase. If I don’t bring a sweater with me everywhere, I will freeze to death, even though I live in Florida and this is highly unlikely. I even bring one over to my in-laws house, the temperature of which is always hovering around 95 degrees and you break into a sweat the second you near their front door…
So its best just to make sure you have all of these thing…. just in case….

Since having a baby, the urge to be prepared has reach epic spastic proportions. Being unprepared while out in public with a small child is just inviting disaster. If you forget to bring wipes, that child will spit up all over you and anyone within reach. If you leave the house without extra diapers, you are guaranteed to go through them at an alarming rate, leaving you quickly with none and a child with a furious red grunting face. So I carry a well stocked diaper bag…

But what I like more, more than making plans months in advance…. more than being prepared for any possible catastrophe is making lists.

Oh do I ever like making a good list!! In fact I love it! Its so very satisfying to write down things and cross them off. I assign them numbers, sometimes letters. I underline the parts that are really important. I like to make my lists in pen, and if I make a mistake I tear off that offending piece of paper and start anew. And that is even more satisfying. Clearly I have control issues, but I’m ok with that. So is my husband…

So here is a list of the other things that I like, presented to you in a simple easy-to-read format….no dashes, no numbers or letters… just things that I enjoy:

That rice pudding that my old Danish rooom-mate used to make.
Updating my facebook status
Zombies
Crocheting, or attempting to crochet anyways. I do straight lines really well…
Kitchy tourist attractions
Trashy British novels (not American ones at all)
My husbands cooking skills
Being right all the time, even when I am wrong.
Being pleasantly suprised at the fact that not everyone I went to high school with is a total bitch/jerk
Cleaning up a particularly messy diaper
Filling out tedious paperwork/forms
Reading endless celebrity gossip
British humour
A nice glass of wine
Really really stinky cheese (the stinkier the better!)

And things I dislike as well:

People who use their hazard lights when they are not in any car trouble, and are in fact double parking
People who don’t like the way I drive (which is perfect, thank you very much)
Liver (and organ meat in general)
People who don’t say “Bless you” when someone sneezes (Its just 2 words!)
The fact that there are still people from high school that are still bitches/jerks
High school
Tourists (I live in Orlando….sigh…)
Excess of use of plastic bags in the States (my magazine does not need its own bag thank you!!)
Spiders
Fake smiles
Talking animals in movies (why?? why!)

How deeply satisfying making lists are…

 

First… August 14, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ohdeerestme @ 12:18 pm

I know everyone does this nowadays.
Pours their thoughts and feelings out into the web, with a purpose or without. Hoping for…. who knows? Replies from random readers? Release? Revenge? Other things starting with ‘r’?
And I guess thats what I am doing too.

I always wanted to write something and did when I was younger. My Mum has drawers full of duotangs (do they still make those?) with careful labels on them. I was addicted to fantasty novels as a child and spent a lot of time drawing very elaborate maps of worlds that I had created, just like you see in the beginning of books by Robert Jordan and the like. These maps would take days to complete, and were detailed down to the branches on the trees that I added here and there to depict whole forests. There would be borders and oceans, mountains and neverending deserts. All of the traditional elements of a fantasty map. And I was convinced that I would, WOULD be able to write the most amazing of all novels , would acheive world-wide acclaim, would become the most famous of all writers….

These were the thoughts that circled my head as I began chapter one of my most brilliant and original novel, the main character of which sounded a bit like me, maybe was a bit of a loner, seemed rather ordinary but deep within there was a spark of something great… you know, the usual plot…

Chapter one would always peter out and the duotang would make its way to that drawer in my Mum’s spare bedroom where she tucked all of those things I started. A collection that I am sure is rather massive now, as I seemed back then to start a new novel every weekend.
Once I reached high school, I stopped those weekend productions. And once I started University, the thoughts circled again. Here, for sure, I would learn all sorts of skills that would enable me to write with amazing vision. Not that I took classes in writing or anything of the sort. It would come naturally, I assumed, as I practised and honed my craft writing various neverending papers on Shakespeare.

And then I graduated and my life took a different path, one that bypassed all of these hopes. Left them at the wayside and other cliches like that. Because I know that to be a writer is practically everyones dream. Sure its easy!! You just write!! How hard can that be! Of course I can come up with the most amazing and original idea for a novel, something that no-one has every thought of before, and of course become rich in the process. For lets face it, these thoughts lurk in the back of every so-called writers mind… especially mine, or at least they did when I was a child.

But that dream of writing still lives on in my mind. I tried so hard! I had plans (I can hear my husband wincing as I say that dreaded ‘p’ word), ideas, I mapped things out. And then life happened, again and again, and I moved on to other things.
It took me 30 years to realize that I don’t need a ‘plan’ to write. Or really any specific topic. Or any solid idea or brilliant plot. I can just write. Stream of conciousness ramblings which, lets face it, I am rather good at. You might even say I excel at it. You know, that sort of ADD-jump from topic to topic-half-finished rambling that all new mums running on little to no sleep have down to a science? Although to be honest, its a craft that I perfected WAY before parenthood.
And who knows if anyone reads this….and who cares really. Its not something I am passing around to my family and friends… not until I have had a few more stabs at it anyways.

For now, lets just keep this between you and me, oh world wide web…