Adventures in Motherhood

Me, rambling about motherhood and my ridiculous life…

2nd July 2, 2009

2nd-blog

I just made a bet with myself…and the internet…..

I bet that I can blog everyday. And if  I win, I get a massage from M (he is shouting in the background “Hey! I didn’t agree to that!!!!”….. doesn’t matter, my bet, not his) every night as well! It is shaping up to be an interesting month. My birthday month too.

In a week or so, I hit 33.

33. Man.

This year I am celebrating with tattoos. It is a Cousin-Love date. And by that, I mean that C and I are hitting up Ocala as I have been dying for an introduction to her favorite artist. Who just happens to be from BC as well, which is as random as you can get. A Canadian? In Ocala? Probably there are more of them there, but this is the first I’ve heard of it. As far as I know he is the only one there. Poor lonely Canadian. It’s so hard to befriend the natives….

I think he will make the 3rd Canadian that I know in Florida. I know there are more of you around, sometimes us Canadians are a little shy… we can’t be found at the outlet malls like the British and other Europeans. We are more likely to be found down in the Everglades or at some State Park swimming with Manatees than hitting up the cheap shoe sales…. (although, we totally will check out those sales after we check out the Manatees). Manatees totally come first, especially before a good sale at Premium Outlet Malls…

So how about it, eh? Do you think I can? Every day for a whole month….

Prepare for both riveting, epic posts and mundane boring poop. Oh, and actual poop. Both domestic and canine…

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Floater May 2, 2009

Filed under: holy mother,Mummy,parenting,poo,Uncategorized — Ohdeerestme @ 10:24 pm
Tags: , , ,

bathtub-blog

**Warning** **Warning**

This post contains explicit details, mostly focused around baby poop. And if that ain’t your cup of tea, then turn back now brothers and sisters….

Flashback to earlier today….. busy day. Not only did we go to the community-wide garage sale with my mother-in-law, but as soon as we were done there, V and I hit the road again. Up to Winter Garden to celebrate my best friend’s daughter’s 5th birthday.

It was a birthday extravaganza! And V’s first party as well. Pizza, cake, friends, balloons, sandboxes, swings….. it was so much fun. Little man out in the sunshine, flirting with the ladies (as he has been known to do).

Let me add that there were no naps taken at all today. A little foreshadowing for y’all….

Anyways, post-party we arrive home in a jolly mood. Which is surprising. Regardless……dinner, dessert and bath prep (to remove the sunscreen and sand). Pre-bath and post-dinner there was rather a lot of grunting which only means one thing. And you know what I mean. And if you don’t, it means poop.

Post poop and naked, I swept him off to the bathroom for some fun in the tub.

He loves his baths. LOVES! His baths. He was splashing happily away… and in the middle of that splashing started grunting again. (good lord, was all I could mentally say…)

I just looked at him in disbelief. Really, I was thinking that it couldn’t possibly be what I was thinking. We were having a bath, after all…

Well, shortly after…. and I do mean shortly, I discovered the reason for the grunting. And that would be poop. Poop floating in my tub.

My reaction? Instant laughter. V makes me laugh so much. Well, I guess motherhood really does…. anyways, I must have laughed so much that it upset V! He started crying! Crying in a tub full of poop. Which made me laugh more. See the vicious cycle??

So I picked him up out of the tub (oh, and I was home alone….. this always happens when I am home alone) and rushed him off to his crib. Naked. Naked and crying. Awesome.

Off I went to fish out the poop and sanitize the tub. How fun (I like sarcasm in case you didn’t know). So I fished and cleaned the tub out. Meanwhile, back in the crib, V was jumping away having the time of his life. Why did I feel like the bath was unfinished business?

And back to the tub we went…….

As soon as we entered the bathroom, he started wailing and that should have been a sign.  I was determined to give him a complete bath, apparently….

As soon as I plunked him back in the tub, he started wailing more. And as soon as he started fussing,  poop started floating again. Oh lord when would it ever end!

Apparently never. There was a poop reservoir which I found out about with the 2nd bath. Unexpected. It was a quick bath (a whole 10 seconds). Poop floated. V went back into the crib (happily I might add).

And the evening quickly drew to a close.

I fished poop out of the tub times 2. I sanitized the tub times 2. I made my child cry times 2. Oh, and I clogged the toilet up with the floating poo when I tried to flush it the first time. Awesome. Clogged toilet. Floating poops. Crying.

Wonderful.

And on top of all of this, I forgot to pay rent. It’s like a double bonus!

I just thought I would share my most wonderful afternoon/evening with y’all…. night!

DON’T click here, you will learn too much about poo  (I googled floater and this is what came up)

 

Biohazard March 29, 2009

Filed under: avocados,biohazard,poo,skype,threw up on — Ohdeerestme @ 7:30 pm


My morning started off wonderfully….

Again the blessed event happened. V slept in until 7:30, and there was much praising of holy things in our household. 2 days in a row is really unbelievable, and I finally feel rested after the longest week ever (M has a cold, and I am sure everyone is familiar with the joys of taking care of a sick man)

(V is taking a nap {or pretending to, in any case} and I am watching Anne of Green Gables quietly in the living-room while M is out running errands…….so relaxing…)

I made wheat-free pancakes for Mr V, as he is allergic to wheat, and he loved them. I was so buoyed up by this success, that I even dared contemplate trying to feed him some avocado again at lunch.

My Mum rang, I picked V up out of his Jumparoo and off we went to the bedroom where our web-cam is set up for a Skype with ‘Nanna‘. As I was getting situated (while chatting with Mum), I noticed an unpleasant smell emanating from little man’s pants. I peeked down the back of his pants, using my thumb to hold the diaper away from his body.

Aha!! I had found the location the the odor! Oh! And my thumb was now covered in poo! Awesome!

I quickly disconnected our Skype call (with my poo-free hand of course), and ran into the living-room to find M. I definitely needed assistance on this one.

It was a two person diaper clean-up, and then the biohazard was immediately taken out to the dumpster.

So back again to the bedroom to call Mum for a chat and of course to show off V, who was particularly flirty with her today. Very cute!

About 15 minutes into our conversation, V threw-up all over himself and me. The majority of it hit the crotch of my pj’s and soaked through and was pretty much instantaneously ice cold. Nice.
I waddled out of the room (crotch growing colder by the minute) with puke covered child to fetch clean clothes for him and something to tidy this whole mess up with.

M was totally oblivious in the other room (I think he was totally zoned out on Plant Earth)

Mum is killing herself laughing on the computer.

My crotch is cold.

Mum: “Are you sure you still want to have another one?”

Me: “It’s not something I am currently contemplating, given the events of the last 20 minutes”

On the plus side, I fed V avocados for lunch and not only did he like them this time, but he also didn’t throw up on me! The day had taken a turn for the better…. finally…