Adventures in Motherhood

Me, rambling about motherhood and my ridiculous life…

Pomp and Circumstance June 8, 2009

Filed under: busy,cousin,family,fancy,happy,late night,Mummy,parenting,V — Ohdeerestme @ 9:48 pm
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party-blog

A first birthday party is a big deal, as I was soon to discover. To be honest, its something that has been on my mind  for the past 6 months. This party has gone through many any reincarnations. It started out as an 80’s themed party (and in retrospect, what on earth was I planning), moved onto a ‘Star’ themed party and then just moved into a ‘party’ themed party.

I was even going to make mix-cd’s as party favours until Mike and I listened to what I had so far and we realized that I have crappy taste in music. I mean, we already knew that (seriously, who buys the Aqua cd and enjoys the other songs on it apart from “Barbie Girl”).

Regardless, I finally worked out what I wanted to do, bought everything (frequent trips to Target, BJ’s and Costco), had frequent chats with my mother-in-law re: invitations and organization.

Every question I asked M was answered like this “Whatever you think is best” or like this “That sound’s like a great idea honey!”, but no actual input. That’s fine. We all know how much I like lists and planning 🙂

Lets just say that I stayed up way too late the night before (cousin love, really, ain’t such a bad thing) and got up way too early. And then baked things all morning. And decorated. And fought some nasty woman in the party store for balloons. AND won. And walked victoriously out to the parking lot where I fought to get those balloons in my small car. Where approx 1/5th of them popped. Awesome.

Anyways, I am pretty sure I worked myself up into a right and proper state. Surprising? No. Not really.

It’s genetic.

This is a cautionary tale to those parents who have yet to experience the first birthday party.

Examples:

Do not make a commemorative cd.

Do not invite 30 people.

Do not expect your child to think cake is awesome.

Also do not expect your child to enjoy having 30 people clapping and staring at him in unison.

Forget to drink water. And forget to eat as you are fussing over everything so much.

And finally, expect to be totally exhausted, so thoroughly exhausted that perhaps you need to take a nap. And take one. For real.

I did.

And I felt much better.

I still need a few days to recover though. It’s almost the equvalent of hitting up the bars Saturday night when you are about 23. Think headache, exhaustion and inability to eat anything (except that nasty nacho cheese you can get at 7-11).

So ladies (and gentlemen) plan these parties carefully. And post-first party, think ahead carefully to next year. Now you have experience…. you can survive…

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Bats in the cave April 26, 2009

Filed under: boogers,health,Holy Grail,parenting,V — Ohdeerestme @ 5:09 pm
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booger-blog

Such a charming expression I picked up in Japan from an Englishman…. it always made me laugh. Right now it aptly describes V’s ongoing condition and my latest obsession…. and obsession is the best way I know how to describe it.

Currently we are embroiled in the midst of a nasty cold. So on top of the wheat and peanut issues, we are now dealing with mild asthma and the introduction of a nebulizer. V is on a course of antibiotics for his ear infection and some steroids for the asthma.

The fun never stops at the ‘perfect health’ bus-stop over here!

For those of you not familiar with this phrase, it refers to boogers (visible ones, that is). I am not going to mince words here. And my following details might be a little graphic….mostly about baby boogers, so I think you all (y’all) can handle it.

V’s little nose is so congested and runny right now that the booges are forming a booge barrier just inside his nose. It’s like a beaver dam or something. Stacks and stacks of boogies, drying up and piling on top of each other. And it seems to happen in a matter of minutes. It feels like I just clean up this icky nose, when it happens again.

Clearly the boogers are ganging up on me.

Hence my obsession. And, of course, like all babies, V hates anyone fussing with his nose. And so I have to pin his head in one place while I use a wet wash-cloth (as this is the only way to knock down that beaver-dam) and scrub and scrub and scrub at his boogie nose.

There is crying and hitting (him hitting me, that is), some shrieking as well. It’s so unpleasant. But once it’s done, it’s done. And all is right in the world. V immediately forgets about it, and life is good.

It reached a point this afternoon that was rather ridiculous.

There I was, scrubbing away, V shrieking, me desperately trying to get that last boogie. Finally, I went right in with my fingers and pried that sticky huge thing away from his face.

“Aha!!!”, I exclaimed, “Gotcha!” and I held it triumphantly up in the air in our dining-room, like it was the Holy Grail or the Sword in the Stone or some other monstrously important artifact.

Yes, that’s right, I am indeed a booger archeologist.

Going where no man (but plenty of mummies, I imagine) has gone before.

M mumbled “Good job” from the living-room while he played wrestling on our PS3. Clearly he was not impressed by my ‘score’.

Anyways, then I realized that I had a booger on my finger (and one that wasn’t mine) and quickly went over to the sink and washed it off.

Again, ahhh motherhood…..

 

Fisting (my diaper genie) April 22, 2009

Filed under: Mad skills,parenting,patience,Uncategorized,V — Ohdeerestme @ 10:09 pm
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genie-blog

Have you ever had to fist a diaper genie?

Welcome to my morning.

I wake up at 5:20 every morning during the week. This morning V woke up roughly around the same time, and when I went in to get him up he was waiting for me. With soaking-wet pants.

Not just a wet diaper, but wet all the way through pj’s too. And after I took his pj bottoms off on the changing table and prepared to do battle with his diaper, I realized the reason. My husband was the reason. And probably will continue to be the reason. Until V is out of diapers that is….

M is perhaps not the most skilled at diaper changing. I might have mentioned this before. It was barely on, so no wonder that he was soaked. SOAKED.

Pants were off and I was getting ready to clean him up and I reached into the wipes warmer (yes, I have one. A result of 1 consistent week of crying every time I wiped a dirty bum with a cold wipe.) and found that it was completely empty!

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!”, is what I shouted out in V’s bedroom. V smiled and giggled at me while I shouted. M didn’t hear anything, he was in the shower.

I slowly backed away from V, my eyes locked on his as he kicked his legs on the changing table (I know ‘they’ say not to do that, but let’s face it, it happens), and backed into his closet where the refills were. (note to self: keep back-up at near crib as M is unreliable)

So he got wiped down, clean diaper, clean pj’s and I went to put the diaper in the diaper genie and that’s when I discovered that it was completely full.

And it smelled.

Mostly it was just totally full though. And that’s when my fisting skills came into play. Bet you haven’t heard that phrase outside of a porno before, eh?

Fisting a diaper genie is where you fist punch the stack of stinky diapers down to make room for ‘just one more’.

Awesome. Sometimes I wonder, am I the only one doing things like this?? Surely I am not the only with mad fisting skills?

Or am I?

Lord only knows…. and I could care less. If I can fit one more in there by using my fist, then I will.

Ah, motherhood….

click here to learn about Diaper Genies and how they work (perhaps this is a video for the very stupid?)

click here to see an actual diaper genie

click here to see a bacon genie (best invention ever? Perhaps…)

and click here to see the slipper genie….

 

Anniversary April 18, 2009

Filed under: dancing,happy,holy mother,M,Uncategorized,V — Ohdeerestme @ 10:05 pm
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nodancing-blog

In one week, Mike and I will have been married for 4 years. In honour of our anniversary I am actually using his real name, but probably I will continue to call him ‘M’ in upcoming posts.

4 years is a big deal to me.

1 year away from 5 which feels like a huge landmark.

Almost 1 year since Vincent was born and we ate French food for our 3rd anniversay at a restaurant who’s slogan is ‘Bon appetite, y’all!”.

6 1/2 years since we have been together in total.

3 years since I moved to Florida.

Almost 3 years since my 30th birthday, when I ate amazing sushi and then got super drunk at a downtown bar and made an ass out of myself (as I have been known to do).

4 1/2 years since we left Japan. Holy. Moly.

8 years since I graduated from University with a degree that I don’t really use. My dream job was organizing exhibits for museums. Any museum. Well, maybe not a bug museum or something like that…..

11 years since I went dancing for the first time. Yes, thats right. I didn’t dance until I was 22. Just too wholesome, I guess…..

15 years since I graduated from High School. Which means that my 20 year reunion is coming up in the next few years. Interesting.

1 month since I started Bikram yoga. And 1 month since I started feeling more relaxed.

10 months since Vincent was born. And about 6 hours since I seriously started thinking about how much he would like a little sister (a sister, I might add, whose name has been picked out for about 6 months).

12 hours since I realized that I do indeed have Mike’s cold. Damn.

And about 2 minutes since I also realized that I should be in bed….

 

True story (creepy post-script)

Filed under: creepy,late night,V — Ohdeerestme @ 11:09 am
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creepyphone-blogI woke up at 12:30 last night…. V has a little cold and was a bit congested and as a result he woke up crying a few times.

12: 30 was one of them.

As I rolled out of bed and started making my way down the hall I noticed that the toy bin was flashing. I leaned over to peek in and all of the lights on the telephone were flashing.

AND it was talking.

I swear to god it said “Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop…”

I carried it out of my bedroom by the plastic anntenae with the sounds of my son crying and the telephone repeating “Stop stop stop” mingling together

I deposited it on the kitchen table and will have Mike take it out with the trash when he leaves for work this afternoon. I can’t handle the creepy vibe anymore….

 

Tech-spazz April 10, 2009

Filed under: annoying,chihuahua,V — Ohdeerestme @ 11:01 pm
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Literally I just hauled my sorry ass out of bed to write this post. It won’t be long, or pretty, but for the love of God, it will get written.

I am technologically retarded. I swear this is true. I just spent at least an hour writing a awesome post, only to have it deleted through my poor wordpress navigating. Twice. So whatever essence was left in the 2nd post (or what I tried to resurrect) is now totally gone. It’s down to the bare bones.

I love my son more than anything in this world. Pretty much that sums up what I was trying to write about. All about how I can’t sleep until I check (for the billionth time) that he is breathing. Which he always is. Thank god.

I was so annoyed that I gave up and went to bed. And just as Chewie the Chihuahua curled up next to me, I said ‘Screw this.” , hopped out of bed and am currently writing this in the dark in my bedroom in my pj’s. Or what qualifies for pj’s in Florida when it’s like 80 degrees outside and you are sweating with the airconditioning on .

Annoyed with myself. Totally.

In love with V. Always.

Suddenly finding myself with a  craving for Brownies Chicken. WTF? Where on earth did that come from. See what my brain does while I type? No wonder I erased this twice already.

It still exists, right? Up north on Vancouver Island? I googled to no avail..chicken-blog

Back to bed and Chewie, who is waiting patiently for me…chicken-blog1